middle management

asking me to clean the bathroom and do the laundry just isn't it. 

i need a real purpose, something to do, somewhere to go. a goal? an activity? 

i'm hiding no matter what though. 

i'm freaking out. i'm alone. 

my mind can not grasp anything, i can't imagine doing something unfamiliar and new. and that is not me.

i don't see where i'm driving when my foot is on the pedal. 

my mind doesn't have anything in it.

i have no purpose, and no destination. 

i am entirely terrified of this anticipation of responsibility. 

i mean, terrified to an extreme extent. 

you have no idea

what the heck. 

i spent so many days and weeks just thinking about how it will be over soon. why why why why why why why why why why do we ever want anything to end? 

i never want to rush anything ever again. 

i could puke

i got the shakes that just cant shook

hush

i'm just a quiet kid.

sometimes a whirlwind of thoughts can enter the mind and it will just keep spinning faster and faster, then it's hard to remember where you are and what you're doing. everyone else is talking loud, cutting vegetables, drinking wine, i'm not interested, you're on my mind.

the weather is beautiful. it's perfect and windy, full of green trees and freshly cut grass.

i can't be somewhere beautiful alone, but i can't be somewhere beautiful with people i love.

well that doesn't really make sense, it doesn't really work, but i'm in a whirlwind.

i miss you