I am sitting here in my sunroom listening to peepers sing in the warm
spring evening and thinking through memories of my younger years that
were filled with despair. When I was young a dark shadow breathed
sorrow into my soul; waking up each day became a hassle which I would
groan away, I had a hallow world inside of my heart and cold blood
flowing through my veins that made me shiver therefore I searched not
for fullness of life but ways to take me to a tightrope or cliff edges,
anything to potentially release my being from the pain that I was
constantly feeling. Now, within the past 2 years my world turned
around.. I picked flowers from the ground and experienced the beauty of
laughter. I pushed myself physically, mentally, and emotionally and
have revealed to myself the strength that I have always possessed. Day
by day my happiness increased by just a smidgen.
3 years after my spirits just began rising, I took a ride on a
bicycle in Athens, Ohio with my dear friend Zach Roller on St.
Patrick's Day, 2012 in the sunshine riding up and down hills... the
ride ended in me losing control, flipping over the handlebars and
landing on the pavement headfirst. My brain hit the two sides of my
skull like a bouncy-ball causing severe bleeding and swelling;
traumatic brain injury caused the left side of my body to become
temporarily paralyzed as well as significant loss and damage in
memory/thinking abilities and my rib cage crushed onto the pavement
nearly collapsing my lungs. This subdural hematoma as well as lung
injury should have killed my 20 year old being, but I unconsciously
pulled through and didn't surrender to this easy way out of living
life.
Today, one month and a day after I fell, I feel this warm blanket of
peace not only covering my shoulders and legs but seeping into my veins
and organs... I am fortunate to be alive, blessed to have multiple
challenges to rise to, and absolutely thrilled to create with the
beauty of the unique personality that I have to offer the world. Each
day is a gift and each moment of laughter is a time of joy and pleasure
that I never turn down taking part in. The best advice I have ever
been given was a year or two ago from my mother Ruth when she said:
"Never be a victim. You have the ability to conquer and rise to take
care of yourself, you don't need others to do the work for you and you
never want to blame another for the situations that you're put in" and
my goodness has that advice stuck with me and especially now it has
positively effected my mood. I am in bed with a splint on my dominant
right arm, no close friends near by and a cane at my side for every walk
to another room, yet I am able to create art with my left hand and
look out at green grass and beautiful trees and listen to wonderful
night creatures singing me lullaby's. I am alive and I am whole in my
own being: able to wake up each morning ready to conquer the day in all
of it's uncertainty, I am able to respond kindly to others and offer
compassion and care and kindness in an effort to positively effect the
universe of which I owe and desire to give the best of myself to. I have
this beautiful gift of LIFE to be a part of and within the last month I
have realized that with each and every day I have a beautiful
opportunity to go through all of it in an effort to be THE ABSOLUTE BEST
human being that I can possibly be. It is SO exciting to have this
chance and never again will I take it for granted. I love being alive
today, I can say with such confidence and joy that, through drastic
circumstances I am the happiest I have ever been in my life so far. I
have seen the beauty in humanity and the strength of friendship and
bonds through love, compassion, and sincere kindness. My heart is full
of love and my brain overflows each day with new insights and creative
ideas. I am not a victim, I am blessed beyond words. I have blank
canvases in my sun room to CREATE and I am absolutely ecstatic to
continue doing so. Thank you:)
I'm so proud of you. Seeing the gift of life is an amazing honor and I'm so glad you are embracing it. So much love.
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