What are we trying to do? We as in you, or me, or both of us, or all 5 or all 20 thousand of us or anyone? I know that at the moment I am trying to read and understand concepts of rocks and parks and volcanoes it seems? Just so I don't fail an exam, so I can pass a class, so I can earn a degree. I don't really know what that means though, and I know that these rocks aren't going to do much for me. Will the fog of what is right ever cover us? Has it? Is it? What is the unsettling feeling? Where do you go when there isn't anywhere that feels like home? Curious and honest. I like when the sky looks menacing and deep and quiet and unknown, I want to dive into it and be somewhere I have no understanding of. Not a different state or country, but a different world? Or life? Or dimension? Because I get scared when I feel ok about things. I know that probably doesn't make any sense... but it's scary when things feel somewhat manageable because it's easier to say fuck it to everything. But then there are some people, and instances, that help you learn a lot. Like all of the silly things I feel so uncomfortable doing; going into stores, talking about certain things, painting, laughing a lot, being afraid, having crazy ideas, working out, getting ready for the night, and many more... simply being unsure of myself, but having no feelings of judgments or anything less than love and friendship and acceptance. It's always surprising, but it's the most wonderful thing that I can't even begin to express my gratitude for. They're all things I think of everyday, and want you to know.
This is what I know, who I love and who loves me - and what that means, and not knowing but that being ok, too. Even when it sucks and is scary and frustrating and when things feel fucked up and everyone seems gross and selfish, but then there's always something to bring things back to this oddly nice state of just being, all messed up and confused, but together. Thanks
i like it
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