baby baby baby.

they say learning to love yourself is the first step that you take when you want to be real.

flying on planes to exotic locations won't teach you how you really feel...
i was lost, and i'm still lost.
the hardest part is inside me. i need to just be.
I can't tell you how much my body tingles or my mind races. Flipping through and everything looks the same. My stomach turns and my heart races at the thought of choosing and voicing. Fear upon fear upon fear. I want control. I need it. I am thirsting.

What is in me and about me. Why do I love all of you, or think that I love all of you?
Do I even love? Or do I just thirst and need?
Day by day I fear that it is the latter. It makes me want to.....lose control.
I smile at the moon.
I clench my teeth when I say things like this, because of how certain I am of this and how uncertain of anything else I am. I am comfortable here, but I am crazy here.
So, to just be? Hm.
I do not want to show any of you this. I don't want to, but of course part of me does because I am. I see it as all of this being stored in my gut, and I just want to cut it all off. Then grow a few inches taller. Then know what looks cute and who's hot.
Living for weekends, diving into deep ends... holding onto each day just to hang with friends.
You're going to lose your soul you know.

i get up in the morning

to the beat of the drum
i get up to this feeling,
keeps me on the run.
i get up in the morning,
put my dreams away,
i get up, i get up, i get up again.

I like dancing with you all, that's true.

I like singing silly songs and lying around.
But every single day is different, yet exactly the same...?
This is a lot.