silly thoughts

there isn't much order in order to convey what matters here.
beginning with the room. clean and open, everything orderly and neat, all in place.
walking around and what is a body but particles the soul is confusing where does it live where does it breathe
two dirty towels hanging from plastic hooks on the door
i can see my own face in the towels. i feel like the empty hook on the right is my place.
you are not running but your mind is racing your fingers don't stop they keep typing away
you are begging begging begging your soul to just release something and connect with anything
what is there to connect with
deep in books filling your mind with ideas and dialogue and imagery and sensations
walking past humans youre so much more conscious of all of the things that the other person is conscious of about themselves not really about you
your body is hollow what is this skin that you are living in
you feel slightly left of center
not quite sane
not quite human
but the sun rises every single day
and you rise with the sun every single day
but at night things seem harder you feel farther away
but you feel better because you feel like you're allowed to be
during the day you're aching in weird ways
but it's okay, baby it's okay
you have absolutely no idea what to do
or where to go
or how to start
your eyes are slightly tired
but there is no intention of sleep anymore
sleep is foreign
notes upon notes
engraving information into your brain
you do your best and feel that it is the biggest struggle
test me on my feelings
or feelings of those around me!
you don't really tell anyone that
but you wish it could be the case
it's always been hard to remember the things you're supposed to learn.
you feel silly
like, what on earth are you doing
who are you talking to?
honestly i know that you are just trying to reach inside of you
and pull anything out that you can
and just release it into the air
not to erase it
but to let it breathe